posted by ![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
puszysty at 04:59pm on 19/09/2006
puszysty at 04:59pm on 19/09/2006I don't feel like doing anything. I don't want to go to my HAPA meeting. I don't want to wander right now because I'm afraid people will ask questions. I don't even feel like moving from my chair. I should- my knee really hurts after I whacked it on the desk, but I don't want to do anything that would make it stop hurting.
I hate it when people talk religion around me b/c it makes me feel like an outcast.
Yesterday I accidentally fell asleep for 2 hours. I went to bed early last night because all I felt like doing was sleeping. I don't even feel like sleeping now.
I have a feeling that no one except Karen reads this anymore. See? I told you that once I left Germany, people would be less interested in my posts.
I need help. I think I may be depressed. I'm scared to tell my parents that because they'll tell me I'm overreacting, I need to go meet people, or it's just hormones. It's after 5 pm. I don't have anywhere to go for help right now. Everything is closed.
I don't want to be here, but I don't want to go home.
I don't know why I'm so messed up. I wish I wasn't. I wish someone would come visit me, so that when I tell people to come in, I don't have to say 'Erin isn't here.' I wish I could fit in. I wish I was a minority or international student or something, so that when I go to my organization events, I don't feel like I'm not really welcome.
I don't want to be Stephanie anymore. I want to be someone else, someone with problems that had solutions. Someone who doesn't have to listen to Nsync cds to make her feel better. Someone who, when people asked what they thought of me, the answer wouldn't always be just 'smart'. Stephanie is a lonely loser. I don't want to be her anymore.
I hate it when people talk religion around me b/c it makes me feel like an outcast.
Yesterday I accidentally fell asleep for 2 hours. I went to bed early last night because all I felt like doing was sleeping. I don't even feel like sleeping now.
I have a feeling that no one except Karen reads this anymore. See? I told you that once I left Germany, people would be less interested in my posts.
I need help. I think I may be depressed. I'm scared to tell my parents that because they'll tell me I'm overreacting, I need to go meet people, or it's just hormones. It's after 5 pm. I don't have anywhere to go for help right now. Everything is closed.
I don't want to be here, but I don't want to go home.
I don't know why I'm so messed up. I wish I wasn't. I wish someone would come visit me, so that when I tell people to come in, I don't have to say 'Erin isn't here.' I wish I could fit in. I wish I was a minority or international student or something, so that when I go to my organization events, I don't feel like I'm not really welcome.
I don't want to be Stephanie anymore. I want to be someone else, someone with problems that had solutions. Someone who doesn't have to listen to Nsync cds to make her feel better. Someone who, when people asked what they thought of me, the answer wouldn't always be just 'smart'. Stephanie is a lonely loser. I don't want to be her anymore.
depressed
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I know...I'm lame...and who can trust the opinion of a girl who just this past Saturday spent the night doing homework instead of something fun? I too am that lonely girl who doesn't know what to do with herself...besides sit on my computer and read things about other people's lives (a very productive thing to do, right?)
Anyway, I just thought I'd let you know that I feel you, and that I too read your journals :)
Later!
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"A cat won't eat a dead bird."