puszysty

Is today pirate day? I'm noticing a pirate theme on lj today. My update journal now says "Update Captain's Log".

Got up early to study for my hiragana test. And yes I have been studying.
I had so much I meant to do last night, but I crawled up to my bed at around 7 to do something, and ended up falling asleep for the next 2 hours. I hadn't even realized I'd fallen asleep til my roommate woke me up inadvertently. And even then, I ended up going to bed early (like 11). I don't know why I was so tired, I shouldn't be. Except maybe that my roommate's snoring tends to wake me up sometimes.

One of my friends introduced me to a thing called PostSecret the other day. What a wonderful concept, that people can mail their secrets anonymously....so it's like they are revealing them, but at the same time, not. (If you want to see it for yourself you can go to the PostSecret website.) Some of the things that people hide...wow. I know I've had things I wanted to say before, that I wasn't sure who I could tell if anyone. Seriously, I think this is a great thing.

And I still need more guesses on my last entry!

Where is everyone by the way?

I don't feel like doing anything. I don't want to go to my HAPA meeting. I don't want to wander right now because I'm afraid people will ask questions. I don't even feel like moving from my chair. I should- my knee really hurts after I whacked it on the desk, but I don't want to do anything that would make it stop hurting.
I hate it when people talk religion around me b/c it makes me feel like an outcast.
Yesterday I accidentally fell asleep for 2 hours. I went to bed early last night because all I felt like doing was sleeping. I don't even feel like sleeping now.
I have a feeling that no one except Karen reads this anymore. See? I told you that once I left Germany, people would be less interested in my posts.
I need help. I think I may be depressed. I'm scared to tell my parents that because they'll tell me I'm overreacting, I need to go meet people, or it's just hormones. It's after 5 pm. I don't have anywhere to go for help right now. Everything is closed.
I don't want to be here, but I don't want to go home.
I don't know why I'm so messed up. I wish I wasn't. I wish someone would come visit me, so that when I tell people to come in, I don't have to say 'Erin isn't here.' I wish I could fit in. I wish I was a minority or international student or something, so that when I go to my organization events, I don't feel like I'm not really welcome.
I don't want to be Stephanie anymore. I want to be someone else, someone with problems that had solutions. Someone who doesn't have to listen to Nsync cds to make her feel better. Someone who, when people asked what they thought of me, the answer wouldn't always be just 'smart'. Stephanie is a lonely loser. I don't want to be her anymore.