puszysty

The first time Felix had said “I love you”…well, Louis was still waiting. He’d said it a while ago, before Felix left on the Demetrius. He’d felt that way for a while, but knew Felix wasn’t ready, so he hadn’t said anything. But suddenly Felix was leaving, and Louis didn’t know if he’d ever be back, and he couldn’t just let him leave without him knowing. “I’m gonna miss you,” was Felix’s response. It was sincere, and it was enough.

Then Felix had come back without his leg, then Earth, and then Dee, and Louis felt those words were never coming.

A small part of him hoped that three days of rest on the Zephyr would help Felix come to the realization that he loved Louis back. But it was only hope, and reality probably wasn’t going to work out that way.

After shift, Louis couldn’t bear to bring himself back to their quarters. Well, more like a converted storage closet than quarters, but it was someplace that Felix could be alone when he needed to be. Louis knew he’d be the one alone there now. It was only three days, but it felt like the Demetrius all over again, and that this time there wouldn’t be any pieces left to put back together.

So Louis decided to go for a walk instead. His ambling steps led him to the hangar deck, someplace he could get lost in the hustle without being noticed. It was also too noisy to think, and Louis didn’t feel like thinking right now. Since most of the bridge crew didn’t spend much time down here, Louis wasn’t expecting to run into anyone. Especially not the person he did.

“Felix?”

Felix was sitting on floor, leaning against an empty crate. He was tapping a crutch on the floor, watching the deckhands busily working on repairs.

Felix smiled at him. “Hey.”

“What are you doing here?” Louis asked. “I thought you were supposed to be on the Zephyr.”

“I chose not to go,” said Felix.

“You were here when we jumped?” asked Louis. He slid down onto the floor and sat next to Felix, not too close, yet close enough.

“Yeah,” replied Felix, looking back out over the deck. “It’s a lot different down here. Besides that once, when we were fleeing New Caprica, I don’t think I’ve ever watched a jump without thinking about the calculations before. It’s…oddly peaceful.”

“Felix, why didn’t you leave the ship?” Louis asked.

“Do you ever get the feeling that sometimes where you want to be is not where you’re supposed to be?” said Felix. Louis looked at him, a bit puzzled. He noticed Felix looked relaxed. More relaxed than Louis had seen him in a long time.

“I thought I wanted to get off this ship. But then I thought about it. What sort of peace am I going to find on a ship I’ve never even set foot on before? What’s over there that’s supposed to make my life better?” mused Felix.

“What are you saying?” Louis asked, still unsure just what was going through Felix’s head and where it might lead.

Felix turned back to Louis and looked him directly in the eyes. “The point is, I shouldn’t be looking for something out there that I’ve already got here. I love you Louis. I’m supposed to be here.”

Louis couldn’t help but smile. This may not have been the way he'd expected to hear those words, but right now, he couldn't have imagined it any other way. “I love you too.”